"FarmsScientifically"

Dear children,

During my time amongst the unwashed masses (read: syneera) of IHDL, I have observed that failure (aka blasz'ing) is on the rise, and frankly it is leading to a saking experience every time I sign into a startgame. The bots simply seem incapable of determining good players and bad players.

As a person with some scientific experience, I feel that it may be of benefit to empirically examine and categorise degrees of blaszing, so that one day our bots can be coded in a fashion that leads to balanced teams.

Thus I set out on a holy pilgrimage- to classify the gook, define the curry, and yonex the blasz.

Failure in dota falls into 3 distinct categories. For the sake of my fellow whites, I have presented these categories in an easy-to-quote format.

The case study

Luna is farming the creepwaves toplane. She is currently on half HP and unaware of the impending gank steaming towards her, in the form of Tiny, the stone giant.

The Control Variable

For this purpose, I had Gardo sit in a lane and farm for 9000 minutes. He thoroughly enjoyed himself, noting that he was so good at dota.

The normal dota player

Tiny crashes through the trees, stunning luna before she can react and tossing her to death.

Category 1 Blasz

1ronMaiden comes dashing through the trees. He finds it hard to negotiate the treeline with his non-gook clicking skills. He lands the stun on luna but misses the toss completely, barely getting away on 5 hp.
1ronMaiden claims he was lagging really badly, and then accepts he is poor and moves on.

Category 2 Blasz

Syneera comes dashing through the trees, much like his ancestors who stormed through napalm and artillery to die by the thousands in the Vietnam war. He misses the stun altogether, does only minor damage by tossing a creep at luna, then promptly dies to the tower, much like the cockroach he represents.
Syneera claims agents from the Department of Immigration and Customs burst into his cell at Woomera for another session of waterboarding, and thus he couldn't stun accurately*.

Category 3 Blasz

Blasz cowers behind the trees at toplane. Instead of stun/tossing, he abuses his teammate, witch doctor, until he comes to help him gank. WD arrives, and blasz initiates the gank by tossing him into the tower, missing luna completely. While WD is being hit by luna's ulti, blasz TP's botlane and tries nuking spectre's creeps. Unfortunately he careens into a creepcamp and finds that they are easily a match for his dota ability, killing him with ease.

Thus, this leads to the creation of a mathematical formula, where:

x = blasz
y = success

y = 1/x

Thus the rate of success is inversely proportional to the quantity of blasz. Funnily enough, this formula seems to apply in all areas of life, not just dota.

As a product of my research, it is my sincere desire that all pilgrims who read my works begin referring to these bad players in proper scientific terms. For example, a lion missing a stun would be a category 1 blasz. A lion missing an ulti would be a category 2 blasz. And a lion who ulti's a creep, misses a stun then hexes himself would be a category 3 blasz, or for short, blasz.

-Farmspoorly


*This version of events was later confirmed in a recent Supreme Court case Lifetime Woomera Residents vs Immigration Department